Shraddha and Tarpan

Shraddha is the rite a household keeps for those it has lost. It is done on the tithi on which the person died, once every year, and again for all the elders together during Pitru Paksha — the dark fortnight that closes with Sarva Pitru Amavasya. The name comes from shraddha, faith, and the texts are careful to say that the rite is measured by the care taken over it and not by what is spent.

Two things happen. In tarpan, water mixed with black til is poured through the fingers with a blade of darbha grass, facing south, once for each ancestor named. In pind daan, rice and barley flour are shaped into small round pindas and offered with honey and ghee. The sacred thread is worn over the right shoulder — apasavya — which is the posture kept for this rite alone, and a ring of kusha is worn on the right hand. Afterwards a meal is cooked and given: to a brahmana, to the crow and the cow, or in many households now, to anyone who needs it.

What the rite asks of a family is not elaborate. Bathe, wear plain unstitched cloth, sit facing south, say the name of the person you have lost, and pour the water. Families who have done it once describe it as the first day the grief had somewhere to go.